Roads that bring you home...

I really wanted to share in some clear concise manner how I've come to this place in my life of enjoying the moment I'm in and being so thankful for it .... To find some "magical" words that would bestow the wisdom of the ages, that would part the clouds revealing beautiful rays of sunshine that contain the ever elusive "secret to happiness". Then I woke up!  

I've never really shared my full "story" with anyone, so it's a wee bit scary……

I've walked the road of unhappy, the path of bitterness, the trail of loneliness and the streets of unsettledness.  I've also made life decisions while on those journeys and those decisions left me feeling even more empty when they were supposed to "fix" it.  However, there really was a revelation that allowed me to get off those winding roads.  So as the story goes.... I was one. hot. mess! a few years back.  On the surface everything looked relatively ok, unless you count the fact I was divorced 3 times by the age of 35, drank WAY more than was socially acceptable and made really  awesome decisions while intoxicated.  Yes, I still have a few drinks and thankfully I can now exert power over that demon because I am no longer "looking for answers in the bottom of beer bottles".  That is something my mom would say to me "Tammy there aren't any answers in the bottoms of those beer bottles." As is the way with mamas, she was right.

I need to give you a little "back story".  When I was a child my mom took me to church, I knew Jesus, I didn't understand the whole thing but I had been raised knowing God.  We didn't go to church regularly or as a family, but my parents raised us to know there was something bigger than us and my parents ALWAYS showed us the importance of giving back thru their actions.  When I was in high school I started going back to church.  I have to admit, while I am bearing my soul here that it was from what I remember of it a social event for me more than anything.  While it probably kept me from acting stupid earlier in life, I don't remember it being a TRUE spiritual experience because I just didn't "get it."

Fast forward; I'm approaching 40, I'm doing a much better job at keeping my mom priorities straight over my work priorities (there was a time in all my madness, nothing much mattered but climbing to the next rung on the corporate ladder) and I'm only acting like an idiot on the days my kiddo is with his dad.  I'm making progress, right?  It was progress, and again on the surface, it looked picturesque.  Great job, nice house, good car, successful, all the things you think you are working for…,BUT - I still felt completely unsettled on the inside, I still felt "there HAS to be MORE than this" and I just wasn't "happy."

In my quest to fill this "void" (when I wasn't looking for all those "answers in beer bottles) I took up running... it was short lived... I'm not a runner, as a matter of  fact if you ever see me running, you should start running too because someone is most likely chasing me. LOL!  I saw that little funny somewhere and thought it was hysterical, though I cannot remember where I saw it to give appropriate applause…,probably Facebook…isn't everything on Facebook? 

   

Any way, I'm running on the trail, I have my ear buds in and I'm just jammin' out, the next track loads and starts to play, cool groove but it isn't a song I know..... I listen.... Whitesnake?  I listen.... I stop running.... I listen..... and in my head I hear "I've been right here".  I look around, there is not another person I can see anywhere.  I'm perplexed, I  suddenly have tears and I'm really NOT sure what is going on but I can hear the words to this song like every word is piercing my soul.  It was the strangest experience I have ever had, and no I do not know how it got on my iPod.  Downloaded in error maybe, I still don't know for sure....I know it sounds INSANE!  But God kind of works like that I think. Here is the song, I do so so hope you will take the 4 minutes to listen before I wrap this post.  If you'd prefer just read the lyrics, they can be found HERE.

I still listen to this song frequently; If I get frustrated, or sad, or a pity party is beginning to commence, or if I just need to remember.  The short ending to this is… I did NOT go immediately back to church.  I honestly don't know how long it was before I returned.  When I did finally step back into the church I had gone to in my teenage years, I did not make it thru even 15 minutes of service before I had to leave in tears because all that garbage that I had been carrying around came flooding out.  I think I cried more in those 7 days between my first Sunday back and the next Sunday than I had cried in my entire lifetime.  I just kept praying.  Well, more like pouring out my soul in an erratic fashion.   I have no idea how to really pray, it isn't like there's a class for it, well maybe there is but I haven't taken it. I just talk to Jesus just like I'm talking to you.  

I just see things in the world very differently walking the road of faith which I think is what gives me such peace.  There are still days I struggle with forgiving myself because no matter how strong my faith may be I don't get time back and I cannot take back some of the things I've done.  BUT I can choose to learn from them and do it better!  Today,  I'm such a better mom, I'm a wife again and I actually understand what being a wife means, and I have the honor of being a step mom too! We  all the same issues as most anyone raising two teenagers in a blended family.  

There are three very distinct things I have come to believe are true on my journey and maybe you will find them truths for you too:

1. God allows you to repeat the same struggle over and over until you learn the lesson.  I am HARD HEADED! It takes me a while to "get it" so now if something seems to keep coming up or is bothering me,  I always pray, "Please show me what I am supposed to learn" It helps. 

2. God's ways are bigger than our ways - I just TRUST and have complete FAITH that whatever happens that God will make a way.  I honestly do not worry, well, I'm a mom, so I obviously worry, but I mean really, really fret over things.  I do my part, and I leave the God parts to God.

3.  In order to "hear" God you have to BE QUIET and LISTEN -- This one took me a while, I'm a talker! No duh, right?  I really enjoyed and learned a TON about recognizing when God is speaking from Priscilla Shirer's book Discerning the Voice of God.

So that's it, I am a God girl! and it's changed my life.  Of course, I am still a sinner! I do NOT get it right a lot, I still have a few cocktails now and again, an expletive still passes my lips, I can still be down right hateful if pushed, I am human,  but it's just different now…I'm pretty much way ok with being perfectly imperfect!   It's enough for me to know that Jesus is my compass, that  I am forgiven by His grace and He is the road that will always bring me home.  

Peace, Love and Sunshine!!!

XOXO

-Tammy 

The "While You're Makin' Dinner Drink"

Here's a little ditty bout Jack and Dianne...... oh wait; random flashback..... Do over....

Here's a little ditty I call the While You're Makin Dinner Drink. (Because I'm original like that.)   Making dinner usually seems like a mundane task, well unless you have oodles of time, but who has that during the week?!? Not me. Sometimes a random thought even sneaks in screaming "do these people really need to eat EVERY DAY?!?" ...Jjjuussstt kidding..(wink) 

So while you're bringin home the bacon AND fryin' it up in a pan - Get you're drink on! It's good for the psyche after a long day of wearing all your pretty hats. 

I'm not a regular drinker during the work week, (been there-done that, hhheelllooo 20's) BUT! I do enjoy a nice wind down from the workday from time to time.  Isn't that just the way too; there you are happily going about your day, extending  grace to people all day long,  from the lady who blew thru the ORANGE light on your way to work, to someone in your workplace that no matter how many different ways/times you've explained it, you've come to the conclusion that maybe they just do not understand the spoken word.   And then comes the realization you've begun drawing pictures to help them understand while smiling the entire time, because that's just how you roll!  So you - Yes, YOU! are more than deserving of the While You're Makin' Dinner drink.

A simple rule of  thirds applies here:

1. 1/3 Alcohol of your choice - mix it up! (I use Malibu, Black Cherry Rum and a bit of Triple Sec)

2. 1/3 Fruit Juice (I choose Pineapple)

3. 1/3 White soda (I prefer Sprite)

Use whatever size glass tickles your fancy and just go thirds - easy enough! Well maybe not the super-gulp cup, that's probably not a good size for Wednesday night, but hey... It's your call.   

Here's my cast of characters! Not Pictured: Pineapple juice ... yes, you guessed it...camera-shy, who knew? Ok, I drank it all….. that potentially could be because I've also occasionally deemed this "the while I'm doing dishes and cleaning up my mess drink".

I'd LOVE to hear what flavor combo's you come up with! Have fun with it, and jam out to some tunes while you're in there wielding your spatula, makes the asked 10 times "when's dinner going to be done?" question way! more! tolerable!

ENJOY!

-Tammy

Slutty Brownies! Ugh…

I'm ALWAYS in search of something yummy to take to a get-together.  My mom would kick my butt if I showed up empty handed to someone's house.  That's part of what I love about being this age, you know the "manners" oh so well, because you are TRYING so so hard to get your teenagers to comply or at least show some glimmer of understanding as to WHY it's important (without turning into "crazy-mom" of course…)

So -- Slutty Brownies, yes… well, the name might be slightly inappropriate.  While, I didn't make up the name, I do think the name is relatively appropriate, if slutty is defined as generally having loose sexual morals, these little critters definitely have some very loose caloric morals. Let's be honest, these are clearly NOT good for you! I would definitely recommend taking them to a potluck/get-together vs. leaving them in your home because they seriously ROCK! Here's the original link from Pinterest that I started with:  Slutty Brownies  Oh, and if you eat them warm…. Simply sheer chocolate gooey love!

These oh so delicious creations really could not be any simpler, well maybe, try asking your husband/partner to make them for you - SERIOUS BROWNIE POINTS folks, serious brownie points.

I digress, here's all you do:

1. Take that big ole' tub of pre-made Toll-House cookie dough, chunk it up and press it into the bottom of a 9X13 pan for the crust. (I did not grease the pan and it worked out fine)

2. Lay your DOUBLE STUFFED in rows on top of the cookie dough  (the original recipe did not call for DOUBLE STUFFED Oreos, but hey! if you're going to do it -- DO IT!
           *Note - When (not IF) I make these again, I will do a "rough breaking" of the cookies because I thought they were a wee bit hard to cut once cooled as whole cookies.  Go on - be rebellous!

3. Prepare brownie mix according to the box instructions, and pour that on top of your Oreo layer.  (Do you feel your heart working harder yet?)  I used the Betty Crocker Triple Chunk mix (sure, why not?).  Please note the box if it says for an 8x8 pan, you will need TWO mixes for your 9X13 pan.

Bake them in accordance with the instructions on the brownie box.  Also noted that these took WAY longer than the box instructions.  I baked mine for 45-50 min but started checking them at time stated on the box (I have zero recollection of what the box said)  Just insert a toothpick to check them, you'll know.

As I said earlier they are HEAVEN warm and still incredible cooled.

ENJOY!!!!!
-Tammy